Okay, so remember how I was bitter at Del Rey for Legacy of the Force
-- and everything after it (and yeah, I guess I still am lololol)? WELL THEY RECEIVED SOME POINTS ON MY SCALE. IT'S LIKE THEY OFFERED THIS BOOK AS AN APOLOGY TO EVERYONE AND IT FITS ME LIKE A GLOVE.
(Except I'm still bitter. I will never get over your treatment, Jacen Solo. CALL ME, ZOOKEEPER!!1 <3)DEATH TROOPERS.My reasons for love. Let me show you them.
1.) Two of my favorite things made sweet undead love
and had a baby. STAR WARS and ZOMBIES.
2.) Dr. Zahara Cody is a medically-trained, smart, kickass female who isn't whiny and doesn't need to be saved multiple times -- not that I'm bashing any of the other Star Wars characters out there (like maybe DAIRY QUEEN FROM THE NJO? oh snap i'm just kidding except i'm not no okay maybe i liked her a little).
3.) Chapter 39 made me tear up like a little baby. I'm not lying. The shortness of it. The animalistic grappling and the emotion and JUST GUH. THE TONGUE AND THE TEETH AND THE FLESH. JOE SCHREIBER, YOU ARE A MONSTER AND I LOVE IT
4.) Jareth Sartoris is an EM-EFFING A-HOLE. HAAAAATE. WITH THE BLASTERS AND THE ESCAPE POD WITH M'BOYS. HAAAAAAATE.
5.) Stuff like this: That was when his toe struck something soft and yielding, and when he glanced down he saw it was a human leg.
Very slowly, he looked up.
The leg was connected to a torso, covered up by another, and another, the pile growing in front of him comprising what he realized was hundreds of dismembered corpses -- heads, arms, legs, and whole bodies, bare bones, many of them still dressed in rotten Imperial uniforms and incomplete stormtrooper armor. The bodies had been mangled like parts in an abattoir, some of them in handcuffs and manacles, others hacked recklessly to pieces, still others looking partially devoured, whole gobbets of flesh gnawed off.
6.) KALE LONGO
. OH MY GOODNESS, THIS BOY. <3 This boy is Jacen Solo
levels of hot. And he is pretty much the opposite of Jacen too. When he and his awesome little brother, Trig, hear things they can't explain (crying, something eating something else totally innocent, screaming, etc.) it's not Jacen's, "OH GAWD LET'S GO HELP THEM MY EMPATHY SENSE IS TINGLING WAIIIII EMO HURTZ" it's more, "It's none of our business. Let's go."
He cares about himself and his little brother, which gets me to...
7.) Trig and Kale's relationship. IT'S SO NICE TO SEE A SET OF SIBLINGS WHO LOVE EACH OTHER AND CARE FOR EACH OTHER AND SHOW IT
AND SHIT. There is a part where a man COUGHS BLOOD in Trig's face and then:"Hey," Kale said, placing one hand on Trig's shoulder. "Come here." He lifted the hem of his shirt and and wiped his brother's face off, the first tears mixing with the guard's blood. "It's all right."
"This is bad," Trig said.
"We've been through worse."
Trig couldn't answer. He put his face against his brother's chest, and hugged him fiercely. Kale hugged him back. "Shh," he said, "'S okay."
SO DARLING. <3
8.) DID I MENTION THERE WERE EFFING ZOMBIES IN THIS BOOK? BECAUSE THERE ARE AND THEY ARE AMAZING. STORMTROOPER ZOMBIES. IMPERIAL OFFICER ZOMBIES. INMATE ZOMBIES. EATING THINGS.
9.) The scene with Kale and Dr. Cody and the scalpel. I... I will have nightmares about this for weeks. The descriptions are almost too much and they work so well and just -- GET RID OF IT, CUT IT OUT, GET IT OUT OF ME
10.) The chapter titles
, oh my god. The ones that are standing out in my head right now are MEAT NEST
, COFFIN JOCKEYS
, LUNG WINDOWS
, SKIN HILL
(sjkfdaksfsdfjdfjdkfja dsf STOP
is Chapter 39. D:)
11.) I read 120 pages of this book in one sitting. I think the last Star Wars book I did that with was Traitor
12.) KALE LONGO TEARING SOMEONE'S FACIAL PIERCINGS OUT. BADASS.
I LOVE YOU, KALE. <3 (Also, waking up from your snoring to tell Myss to shut up
13.) Waste is such an awesome 2-1B droid.
14.) The characters are really strong. They were all tied together very well and even the smallest characters actually get... well, character
. Take Armitage, for example. We don't see him in the book that much at all. But we know where he's from (Faro), all about his doofy hairstyle from the others making fun of him, we know he's a painter and what he paints (what he's forced to paint and wants to paint) -- and we see him making one of the nastiest discoveries in the book. Yet he's in the book for no more than a total of five pages. Also, Austin. What a dick.
But I loved him. The way he looks at Dr. Cody when Dr. Cody is talking to Gat makes him so not classy and so awesome
. And on the subject of characters... DID I MENTION KALE AND TRIG LONGO????????
And the best...
15.) THE TWO PRISONERS WHO WERE IN SOLITARY THAT I SHALL NOT NAME FIGHTING DAMN ZOMBIES
. YESSSSSSS. They aren't technically cameos cause they're in a good chunk of the book, but they don't broadcast that they're in the book either (their relationship with the Longo boys is SO ADORABLE too).
I'll give you a REALLY SPOILERY visual hint as to who they are: SHIT YESSSSSSSSSSSS
BRB GOTTA GO FINISH THE BOOK.
(... I'm not debating on picking up Kale in the SW Dressing Room. D: I'm not, I'm not.)
("What's wrong?" Kale asked, a drowsy murmur that came out: Wussrong?
Trig cleared his throat. His voice had started changing recently, and he was acutely aware of how it broke high and low when he wasn't paying strict attention. "Nothing." <333333333333333)