your joy is my low

MY FANDOM AND BOY INTERESTS HAVE BEEN ROLLING INTO ONE ALL THESE YEARS WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN XDDDD aka nerdy fangirl rantings ahead.

So the other day on Twitter, Wil Wheaton linked to a blog post he had written about the 25th Anniversary Reunion he attended with the Stand By Me cast. It's an absolutely wonderful post - nostalgic and kind of heartbreaking all at the same time. And of course, it got me thinking about River Phoenix.

If you've known me for some amount of time, you know about my love for this kid. I say kid now because I'm actually older than he was when he died back in 1993. This post pretty much contains my realization that I sort of have a type - in both real and fictional worlds, apparently, hahaha. XD

A little background here: Around '96, I was looking through a magazine or catalog or something and I saw a picture of some dude. And this dude was effing hot. I took this picture to my sister and this happened--

Me: "WHO IS THIS DUDE?"
Valerie: "That's River Phoenix." *pause* "He's dead."
Me: "Buh."
Valerie: "He was an actor. He was actually in Stand By Me, which was based off of a Stephen King story."
Me: "I must see this movie."
Valerie: "Yeah, you'd probably like it."

So I was with my Mom and Duane one weekend, wandering around Blockbusters and I saw the box...

Me: "MOM, MOM I MUST SEE THIS MOVIE."
Mom: "Okay, but you have to watch it with us, cause it's rated R." *turns to Duane* "Why is this movie rated R? I don't remember anything crazy in it... it's been a long time since I've seen it though."

We get back and they go out to pick up dinner and leave me alone. What do I do? Put the tape in and start watching it. I got almost to the end of the treehouse scene before I stopped it and rewound the tape for when they got back. It was okay though, cause I already knew I had fallen in love with that kid. Did you see the face he made when they introduced Chris Chambers? He. Was. Gorgeous.

After seeing that movie (and of course loving it), I hunted down every single thing relating to River Phoenix I could find. Movies, books, clippings from magazines - this was a little difficult since he had been popular in the late 80's and then early 90's, then died of a drug overdose in '93. That was utterly depressing, by the way. As you can see in Wheaton's blog post, no one really saw it coming. He had always been against that kind of stuff too.

Besides that, he was pretty much a sweetheart. He was an animal rights activist and a total family boy. And I thought that was darling.



Enter my fandoms. Hello Star Wars. Greetings Jacen Solo.

When I started to get heavily into the Expanded Universe fandom (writing fanfiction, talking to people - including some of you still to this day <3333, all that awesome stuff), I would think of actors when I read the books. It's something I've kind of always done in the back of my head. It made it easier for me to picture characters sometimes. Who was Jacen Solo? Well, that was River Phoenix, of course. Animal nerd, sweetheart, fights for what he believes in. Also, DAT HAIR. When the Japanese covers for the New Jedi Order came out, I was excited (FANGASMS EVERYWHERE) to see I hadn't been the only one. LOOK AT THAT MOFO OHH SHI--

I think my <3 for River had kind of caused my love for Jacen to grow and vise versa. Besides just reading the books, he became my Jacen in fanthings as well. I mean, fanfictions, RPGs, everything. IT WAS TOO PERFECT, DUDE. D:

It always helped that he had played Harrison Ford's son in The Mosquito Coast as well as young Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade... I mean, it just worked all around! XD

(Fun note: He also was in a movie called "A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon" - he was the main character. Jason Court was also in this movie. Jason Court is the man who played Kyle Katarn in Dark Forces. STAR WARS CONNECTIONS, AHOY! XD)

TO THE LEFT: River & Harrison (JACEN & HAN IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT D:), then as young Indy and then River & Jason (LOL JACEN AND KYLE HAY GUYZ)

Looking at it now, it's sort of ironic. Jacen Solo was also overtaken by something he always condemned and then was killed. THAT IS WHERE I KIND OF GET CREEPED OUT.

Years later, enter Jared Padalecki.

I had exhausted the hell out of every River Phoenix picture for Star Wars: EU related asshattery and was depressed that there would never be any others. I had also started watching some weird show called Supernatural. Of course, me watching this show = "lololol look at these brothers arguing. one is so nice and one is like LET'S KILL ALL THE BAD THINGS CAUSE WE HAVE THE POWER! it's like jacen and anakin except with the ages swapped. like this tall lanky dude with the floppy brown hair and puppy eyes is all OMG WE CAN'T HURT ANYONE, LIKE JACEN-- LIKE JACEN..."

Then that shit happened, heh. I started looking up this guy. Animal rights activist, family boy, all around sweetheart.

Me: what no, how does this keep happening :|

Then SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED: Looking up pictures of this new giant dude, I find a photo that made me flip for a few seconds. I'm sure my heart had to skip a beat cause how did a picture of River Phoenix get into this batch of pictures from a photoshoot of this sasquatch Jared guy. And later, going back through River pictures, a picture of this moose snuck into River photos somehow - EXCEPT NO CAUSE THAT'S RIVER PLAYING THE GUITAR WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE MOOSE?


Left - River, Right - Jared


Left - Jared, Right - River

(I've posted those before... a long time ago in a galaxy far f-- SHUT UUPPPP. XD)

So my River/Jacen line turned into a River/Jacen/Jared triangle and one became my tiny dork and one became my giant dork and everything in the fandom corner of my brain had settled peacefully. Jared plays a really mean (and effing awesome) bad guy (demon!Lucifer!anysortofevil!Sam is the best thing ever) and would make a killer Darth Caedus. As you can see by the quote in the subject line, River was just like that - he was the little, wide-eyed, goofball Jacen Solo.

But looking at all three: two of my favorite actors and my favorite fictional character -- there's a type. :T

I don't know when this was all realized but at least I have typed it all out and let myself know the links just aren't in my fandom-hazed brain, hehehehehe. XD

P.S. River. Freakin'. Phoenix. Please watch Running On Empty, Stand By Me, The Mosquito Coast & I Love You to Death - DARLING. <3

P.S.S. I LOVE 80'S TRAILERS. XD

P.S.S.S. Here is River molesting a tree. PERFECT?

Yeah, I saw 17 Again. WHAT'S UP. I SAW IT. I SAW IT AND I LOVED IT. And Efron, you guys. Does this mean I need to watch the fucking High School Musical movies? Seriously? For more him I need to watch those? I'd do it. Do I need an icon of him? Really here? Really?

(Dude, Thomas Lennon was hilarious. I love that man. "I'M PEACOCKING.")

I will just use my standby icons of Kevin Zegers again while mentioning Zac Efron cause you know they are long lost brothers. For real. Do I need to picspam to show you again? No? I don't? Well I will SORRY GUYZ.


WHAT'S UP. DEAR SOMEONE, DO ME A FAVOR. PLEASE CAST THEM AS BROTHERS NOW. THX.

(I find it funny that Zac looks like the bitchy one and Kevin looks like the almost-happy one cause it's usually the other way around.)

In other news, see_aphy_be and I were discussing D*C and things seem to roughly be looking like this maybe.

FRIDAY: morning - Young Jedi Knights (Tenel Ka), afternoon - Sith (same character), evening - insert costume here?
SATURDAY: morning/afternoon - Left 4 Dead (Hunter), evening - Bioshock (Bridgette Tenenbaum)
SUNDAY: morning/afternoon - Clue (Mrs. White), late afternoon/evening - The Long Walk (Peter McVries)

So yeah, again, mostly group costumes. But who gives a shit, group costumes are just so much more fun. XD

But HOW ARE THESE TIMES WITH THE OTHERS IN SAID GROUPS??? I know we have a whole mess of YJKers, a few good Sith and a couple others in Clue and The Long Walk. So are these days/times good for you awesome thugs?

I figure setting things up way in advance is better cause if it's not set up then you get to the con and try to call people like, "ARE YOU WEARING IT NOW, WHEN ARE YOU WEARING IT? I HAVE TO FIND YOU ARE YOU WEARING IT" and then things get screwed up. This has happened to myself and friends numerous times. This is why I'm trying to figure out a costume schedule LIKE FIVE MONTHS IN ADVANCE. XD

(Also, interested in joining any of the groups? LEMME KNOW.

...WE NEED MORE WALKERS. WE ALWAYS NEED MORE WALKERS~ MOOHAHA!)

Part 8. WAAAAAAATCH. I must somehow have an animated .gif of Fred in Mom!DRAG slapping the shit out of Zac Efron at 2:00. SERIOUSLY.

(ALSO, J-SUD EATING ZAC EFRON'S FOOT. PART 9.

"Why do you keep a crusty t-shirt by the couch?"

... "Why do you keep baby oil by that crunchy t-shirt?")



And Zac, why must you be so hot?

People -- 100 Sexy Men in One Minute.

JARED PADALECKI! SIMON BAKER (HJDSAJKS SO HOT)! JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS! DONALD FAISON! ADRIAN PASDAR! ANDY SAMBERG! JOHN KRASINSKI! TIM GUNN, YOU GUYS!

And I definitely know I missed gushing over some near the middle cause they just started going by way too fast. Why waste all that time on David Beckham at the beginning? D:

Also, props Hugh Jackman.

Now y'all know I hate me some Boba Fett. But this is how much I love my fandoms...

There was a post awhile back on a message board titled something to effect of, What has your nerdiest moment been? (I previously referenced it here with another nerdy thing. XD)

As I thought about this again, there was another one that stood out in my mind -- now I'm sure there's a billion -- but this one is super-fantastic-nerdcore-tacular.

At Katsucon a few years ago, before the Masquerade, they were playing some videos. And a video came on and the music was Fett's Vette, by MC Chris -- a song clearly about Boba Fett. Yet the video they were showing was footage from the Jango Fett video game Bounty Hunter. So I'm sitting there, saying to myself, OUT LOUD, MIND YOU:

"WHAT? THIS SONG IS CLEARLY ABOUT BOBA FETT. HOW COULD YOU USE FOOTAGE OF HIS FATHER WHO HAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ARMOR AND TRY TO PASS IT OFF? YOU COULDN'T GET FOOTAGE OF BOBA FETT? OH WHAT, JUST BECAUSE HE'S A FETT, YOU CAN USE HIM FOR A SONG THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT ABOUT FETTS IN GENERAL, BUT A SPECIFIC ONE? WHAT THE HELL. THIS IS NOT AMUSING. THESE PEOPLE DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY'RE DOING."

Yeah, I think that's the big one. Later that night I was kind of like, "Did I really bitch about that...? Wow, I'm a nerd." Then I remembered I was at an anime convention and was like, "ROFL WHATEVER FELLOW NERDS, LET'S GO DANCE!"

Speaking of being nerdy, this is roughly what Ashley and I are doing next year at some point in June. XD

AND, QUICK! NAME THIS GUY:

The video of Casey and Perry getting waxed never gets old. Especially when Ben smacks Perry's back.

AND HOLY CRAP. "THIS IS WHY I'M HOT" with Frankie/Casey/Perry. LOLOLOLOLOL 1:08 POSE OFF. I FORGOT ABOUT THAT. That was so damn funny.

"POSE OFF~ SECOND FLOOR~ LET'S GO~"
"TWO STEPS THEN POSE."

Frankie dancing at 1:25. This song is so them ROFLLLLLLL.

"This is like a fraternity, you know?"
"Yeah, except like really, really good looking."

(Casey with his hair straightened ajsdhklsdjfkjsad)

2:40 = the whips/biting catwalk and the panel when they died laughing at it. I'M DONE. <3

Okay, Casey rolling out of bed with chips all over his chest and pretending like it's nothing = LOL HEART. NOW I'M DONE. XD

(DUDE 3:30 WAS MY FAVORITE CASEY MOMENT EVER. "The girls are like we want Holly to go home ------ OOOOOOOWWWWH~ HOLLY!")



P.S. Here is a bonus. The U.K. Make Me a Supermodel boys doing catwalk training in speedos. Jono is so scrawny! (WAZ <3)

I love this article, because it's so true... as are all the comments, such as:

"In Resident Evil 4, it was all Spaniards and no one complained... "

"i'm offended when one person tries to speak for an ENTIRE social group"

"As a black guy: This is total bullshit, ignorant people should go play in traffic, and I hate stupid people. That is all."

"I don't know which to pissed off more about.. The fact that I am a gamer and I get the point of the game .. or the fact that as a black person.. we get upset about this when there are a hundred more things to protest about that actually mean something..."

And then there's:

"Why do people have to pull the race card every time black people are depicted in anything that isn't in "black interest"? A zombie is a zombie no matter what color IT is."

"Being a Zombie, I've thought the RE games where racist from day one. I'm just sorry that it's only after black Zombies are put in is the game called out for the hateful smut it is. Zombies everywhere need to recognize it's trash like this that forces Zombie youth into the "stereotypical Zombie" role."

"In Resident Evil 4 I killed 914 white people and liked it so much that I have beat it twice, and working on a third time. Clearly, I hate all white Spanish people and hope for their demise by my hands. Unless it's okay to kill white people as long as you are white and the same for the blacks, of course. This may sound racist, but I want to be able to kill spooks in video games! Crackers are getting boring."

I love gamers sooooo much. <3 XD

And speaking of gaaaaaames. Persona. I have fallen in love with the series once more, because playing the third game has made me want to go back and play the others. I started a new game of the first in the series for the billionth time and I had forgotten how much I loved it. (WHY IS THE MUSIC IN THESE GAMES SO DAMN BRILLIANT? Aaaaaand Mary is kind of a tool. A confused, lost soul, little tool. BUT I STILL LOVE HER LIKE MARK DOES. I also dig when alternate-T.J. is like "NATE WHY DO YOU HANG OUT WITH THESE LOSERS?" And Nate just kind of looks at them and is all, "I have no idea.") This also means Nocturne and Digital Devil Saga and Devil Summoner will be started again as well. I WAS DRINKING CIELO MIST IN PERSONA 3. YAH BRUDDA~ XD

Also, the Silent Hill 5 game footage looks effing amazing. WELCOME BACK WEEKEND-LATE-NIGHTS-OF-VIDEO-GAME-PLAYING. I MISSED YOU. D:

P.S. I have finally decided that the fandom that has the most hot boys in it is... is... MEGATEN YOU GUYS SERIOUSLY. Yes, even over Final Fantasy and Star Wars. Sorry, dudes.

Come on: Narumi (period hottie!), Heat (his name AUTOMATICALLY MAKES HIM HOT), Junpei, and on this page Tatsuya/Katsuya/Eikichi/Jun/Nate, and also Main/Mark/Nate(again)/Brad, and my favorite old Chris/young Chris -- there's a type of boy for EVERYONE. And that's not even all of them. PLUS, COOLEST OUTFITS EVER. FASHION SENSE BOYS. (NOT POTHOLDERS! OR BELTS.) These darlings have style and class (well, okay Mark might be missing the class, but he has A COOL YELLOW HAT). And nice hair. And hot. (I think I might go with hottest chicks in this fandom too. I want to marry Ulala Serizawa.)

P.S.S. I totally wrote a Persona short story at caineslayer, Chris/Ellen of course. My total made up dream couple LIEK WORD. I even included the fact that Chris knocked up a chick. HE IS SO FLAWED AND SOMETHING SOMETHING. SO EMO. black lace dashboard confessional etc., etc.

TIME FOR PERSONA 3 BED. NO, SERIOUSLY.

So yeah, remember I spoke of the 100 boys and the fanmix cover that would take five years?

( 100 hot boys for you, under the cut of DOOM~! )

Now I just need the back cover with the faded shots and the blood and songs and something -- then the song pictures. And fsldjkasjdfkjasd I heart The Long Walk. XD

If anyone can name at least 25, I will give you a cookie~ hehehehehehehe~

Okay, I have a small favor to ask of anyone who is bored. XD

I'm making a Long Walk fanmix -- or should I say, I made a Long Walk "mix cd" back in '99 and I'm taking it and adding songs to it and changing it up a little. I'm also giving it covers. And the idea I have for it is probably way too ambitious, but I'm gonna try it anyways.

What I need from ya'll is just one picture of a guy (actor, musician, whatever) who looks like he could be 15ish - 20ish (and yes, actors who are older now qualify as long as they look young in the picture -- like an old cheesy, dorky picture of Jared Padalecki or something XD). The shot should be straight on, no emo head tilting or goofing off or anything. XD

I'm gonna try to get headshots of the 100 walkers/boys for the cover. X_x

They'll be pretty small -- probably 32 x 32 pixels. But if it works it could turn out pretty damn cool.

SO IF YOU ARE BORED, BRING ON THE MENS! PLZ!


P.S. River Phoenix is the hottest hippie pizza boy ever. XD Especially with his horrible fu manchu pornstache disguise and his OMG WE ARE SO SCREWED screenshots. I am also in love with his chin scar.

FHDFSDFKSJDFK SHIT YOU GUYS. I JUST GOT A LITTLE MISTY-EYED.

FRANK DARABONT. LONG WALK MOVIE. KSJSAJDAKSJ OMG YA'LL. HE'S ALREADY DOING THE MIST RIGHT NOW, WHICH IS ALSO AN AMAZING STORY. BUT BUT BUT M'BOYS.

( THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF INTERVIEW I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE. )

EEEEEEE. I DON'T CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES. I JUST HOPE IT GETS DONE. D: I WANT TO SEE RAY HEAR A GUNSHOT AND GO, "WAS THAT BARKOVITCH?" AND THEN THE "NOT YET, YOU WHORES! I AIN'T GONE YET!" -- AND I WANT TO SEE BARKOVITCH RIP HIS THROAT OUT. AND MCVRIES. MCVRIIIIEEEEES. AND OLSON TAKING OVER THE HALFTRACK AND OMG. I THINK I AM GONNA FLIP OUT AND KICK SOMEONE IN THE FACE.

I mean, to actually see the insanity these boys babble when they start losing it -- if they pick the right boys, it will be beautiful and it will RIP MY HEART OUT. D: Like when one of the walkers gets driven over and Ray starts going batshit crazy over it in the middle of conversation:

"Yeah," Garraty babbled. "We're gonna be Mr. and Mrs Norman Normal, four kids and a collie dog, his legs, he didn't have any legs, they ran over him, they can't run OVER a guy, that isn't in the rules, somebody ought to report that, somebody..."

... ... ..... omg.

OH HAY? STEPHEN KING COSTUMES? NADINE CROSS? M-O-O-N SPELLS MOON? CHRIS CHAMBERS? JACK TORRANCE WITH THE CRAZY? CARRIE WITH THE BLOOD? SHOT UP WALKERS WITH THE NUMBERS ON THEIR CHESTS? OH MY GAWD. I WOULD BE IN AWE.

(And now I totally need to find three Stand By Me fangirls and do girl-ified Chris/Teddy/Gordie/Vern costumes. OJFJKLKSJDFKJSD HEEEEEEEE. I JUST NEED A DIRTY WHITE T-SHIRT AND JEANS. AND SMOKES. AND A GUN.)

Vern: "I BROUGHT THE COMB!"
Teddy: "WHAT DO YOU NEED A COMB FOR? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE ANY HAIR."


And also! EEEEE! A THREAD WITH JACEN AND BEN FANART! <3333 I am totally in love with the picture of the boys chillaxin' and being lazy. *squee*