your joy is my low

MY FANDOM AND BOY INTERESTS HAVE BEEN ROLLING INTO ONE ALL THESE YEARS WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN XDDDD aka nerdy fangirl rantings ahead.

So the other day on Twitter, Wil Wheaton linked to a blog post he had written about the 25th Anniversary Reunion he attended with the Stand By Me cast. It's an absolutely wonderful post - nostalgic and kind of heartbreaking all at the same time. And of course, it got me thinking about River Phoenix.

If you've known me for some amount of time, you know about my love for this kid. I say kid now because I'm actually older than he was when he died back in 1993. This post pretty much contains my realization that I sort of have a type - in both real and fictional worlds, apparently, hahaha. XD

A little background here: Around '96, I was looking through a magazine or catalog or something and I saw a picture of some dude. And this dude was effing hot. I took this picture to my sister and this happened--

Me: "WHO IS THIS DUDE?"
Valerie: "That's River Phoenix." *pause* "He's dead."
Me: "Buh."
Valerie: "He was an actor. He was actually in Stand By Me, which was based off of a Stephen King story."
Me: "I must see this movie."
Valerie: "Yeah, you'd probably like it."

So I was with my Mom and Duane one weekend, wandering around Blockbusters and I saw the box...

Me: "MOM, MOM I MUST SEE THIS MOVIE."
Mom: "Okay, but you have to watch it with us, cause it's rated R." *turns to Duane* "Why is this movie rated R? I don't remember anything crazy in it... it's been a long time since I've seen it though."

We get back and they go out to pick up dinner and leave me alone. What do I do? Put the tape in and start watching it. I got almost to the end of the treehouse scene before I stopped it and rewound the tape for when they got back. It was okay though, cause I already knew I had fallen in love with that kid. Did you see the face he made when they introduced Chris Chambers? He. Was. Gorgeous.

After seeing that movie (and of course loving it), I hunted down every single thing relating to River Phoenix I could find. Movies, books, clippings from magazines - this was a little difficult since he had been popular in the late 80's and then early 90's, then died of a drug overdose in '93. That was utterly depressing, by the way. As you can see in Wheaton's blog post, no one really saw it coming. He had always been against that kind of stuff too.

Besides that, he was pretty much a sweetheart. He was an animal rights activist and a total family boy. And I thought that was darling.



Enter my fandoms. Hello Star Wars. Greetings Jacen Solo.

When I started to get heavily into the Expanded Universe fandom (writing fanfiction, talking to people - including some of you still to this day <3333, all that awesome stuff), I would think of actors when I read the books. It's something I've kind of always done in the back of my head. It made it easier for me to picture characters sometimes. Who was Jacen Solo? Well, that was River Phoenix, of course. Animal nerd, sweetheart, fights for what he believes in. Also, DAT HAIR. When the Japanese covers for the New Jedi Order came out, I was excited (FANGASMS EVERYWHERE) to see I hadn't been the only one. LOOK AT THAT MOFO OHH SHI--

I think my <3 for River had kind of caused my love for Jacen to grow and vise versa. Besides just reading the books, he became my Jacen in fanthings as well. I mean, fanfictions, RPGs, everything. IT WAS TOO PERFECT, DUDE. D:

It always helped that he had played Harrison Ford's son in The Mosquito Coast as well as young Indiana Jones in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade... I mean, it just worked all around! XD

(Fun note: He also was in a movie called "A Night in the Life of Jimmy Reardon" - he was the main character. Jason Court was also in this movie. Jason Court is the man who played Kyle Katarn in Dark Forces. STAR WARS CONNECTIONS, AHOY! XD)

TO THE LEFT: River & Harrison (JACEN & HAN IT WOULD BE SO PERFECT D:), then as young Indy and then River & Jason (LOL JACEN AND KYLE HAY GUYZ)

Looking at it now, it's sort of ironic. Jacen Solo was also overtaken by something he always condemned and then was killed. THAT IS WHERE I KIND OF GET CREEPED OUT.

Years later, enter Jared Padalecki.

I had exhausted the hell out of every River Phoenix picture for Star Wars: EU related asshattery and was depressed that there would never be any others. I had also started watching some weird show called Supernatural. Of course, me watching this show = "lololol look at these brothers arguing. one is so nice and one is like LET'S KILL ALL THE BAD THINGS CAUSE WE HAVE THE POWER! it's like jacen and anakin except with the ages swapped. like this tall lanky dude with the floppy brown hair and puppy eyes is all OMG WE CAN'T HURT ANYONE, LIKE JACEN-- LIKE JACEN..."

Then that shit happened, heh. I started looking up this guy. Animal rights activist, family boy, all around sweetheart.

Me: what no, how does this keep happening :|

Then SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED: Looking up pictures of this new giant dude, I find a photo that made me flip for a few seconds. I'm sure my heart had to skip a beat cause how did a picture of River Phoenix get into this batch of pictures from a photoshoot of this sasquatch Jared guy. And later, going back through River pictures, a picture of this moose snuck into River photos somehow - EXCEPT NO CAUSE THAT'S RIVER PLAYING THE GUITAR WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE MOOSE?


Left - River, Right - Jared


Left - Jared, Right - River

(I've posted those before... a long time ago in a galaxy far f-- SHUT UUPPPP. XD)

So my River/Jacen line turned into a River/Jacen/Jared triangle and one became my tiny dork and one became my giant dork and everything in the fandom corner of my brain had settled peacefully. Jared plays a really mean (and effing awesome) bad guy (demon!Lucifer!anysortofevil!Sam is the best thing ever) and would make a killer Darth Caedus. As you can see by the quote in the subject line, River was just like that - he was the little, wide-eyed, goofball Jacen Solo.

But looking at all three: two of my favorite actors and my favorite fictional character -- there's a type. :T

I don't know when this was all realized but at least I have typed it all out and let myself know the links just aren't in my fandom-hazed brain, hehehehehe. XD

P.S. River. Freakin'. Phoenix. Please watch Running On Empty, Stand By Me, The Mosquito Coast & I Love You to Death - DARLING. <3

P.S.S. I LOVE 80'S TRAILERS. XD

P.S.S.S. Here is River molesting a tree. PERFECT?

So Saturday night was a magical night for AIM chatting (seven people HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE lololol)! We actually figured out when to wear the 3483958439052358 Star Wars costumes we will have between us. And also talked about makeup and belts and other things -- and also crack, like usual.

My D*C weekend is tentatively looking like this:

Thursday PM: Kale Longo (Death Troopers - SW:EU)
Friday AM: Tenel Ka (Jedi Strike Team - SW:EU)
Friday PM: Ophelia (Brutal Legend)
Saturday AM: Buster Bluth (Arrested Development)
Saturday PM: Elaine Marley (Monkey Island)
Sunday AM: Tenel Ka (Queen Momma - SW:EU)
Sunday PM: Peter McVries (Stephen King's The Long Walk)

And then Chuck (Pushing Daisies) will be fit into that schedule whenever. It is quick to put on. XD

It was horrible too, cause all that talk of SW stuff made me want to make a Warrior Queen Momma outfit so it's not just the fancy one I'm bringing. But I already have too many costumes as it is, hehehee. (Then of course it was extra horrible cause I found these three awesome belts on ebay and I was trying to decide between them on which one to build the costume around... you know, the COSTUME I'M TELLING MYSELF I HAVE NO TIME TO MAKE. D:

...I don't know which belt to go for either. And and and asscape.)

There are some new necklaces and junk up here. I wanted to kill that tassel one when I was making it cause those beads like to fly everywhere like the little expensive pretty colored bitches they are. But once I got it done I kind of wanted to give it a hug. I don't know how you hug a necklace though. o_o

Okay, I had about a two hour light nap when I got home (I say light because I kept sort of waking up, paying attention to the tv for .6 seconds and then drifting off again) but I feel like I'm gonna pass out so maybe I should go do that. I need to save up my energy for tomorrow cause Nate and I are going to see Toy Story 3 and I have a feeling that I'll be wasting all of this energy on CRYING MY EYES OUT. D:

(Then I will want to come home and play with my childhood toys. <333)

P.S. Whenever Ken pops up on screen I will think of when my Dad used to crossdress my Ken doll in Barbie's clothes. And then whenever I see Barbie it will instantly remind me of when my best friend from elementary school, Heather (LOL THE HEATHERS), and I used to get bored playing normal Barbies and pretty much made Barbie a stripper. I MISS MY CHILDHOOD.

Back and neck are killing meeeeeeeee. Going here on Thursday afternoon (since the pain is suddenly horrendous in my back and neck) and back to the GI doctor next Tuesday, uggggggh. THIS IS GETTING SO OLD. :(

But I actually got a few things done this weekend! :O

Nothing super major, but I worked a bit on my magical redesign for my cosplay/personal site. And I also cut out a couple of the pieces to my Queen Mother TK outfit (hopefully for Balticon!) and made the necklace that's gonna go with it.

( OMG HERE IS A NECKLACE -- aka symmetry is overrated: have you seen the Queen Mother? )

I was actually okay enough to go out on Saturday. Nate and I went to Wegmans (<3ohmygoodness) and Global Food (bought so many foreign snacksss) as well as Target. I was only hurting a bit and thought it was awesome and maybe this pain-thing was going away. Then we got home and hopped into a magical Netflix Xbox Party with Valerie and Brian and watched something MOTHER EFFIN' XENA WHAT WHAT (Callisto! <3) -- V&B went to bed after that and Nate and I watched Dead Space: Downfall. It was pretty good (loved the security team cause they cursed like me and I felt at home lolol). Then after I got up my back and neck protested so hard that I sat down and just stared at the wall for pretty much forever. Nate forced me to take a percocet and then I watched him play some Nintendo DS while I waited for the pain to go away. :|

(DID I MENTION I WAS SICK OF THIS? :|)

Now I am debating on making a whole new magical message board filled with all kinds of chatter and creative-thing sharing and fandom love (every fandom ever -- zombie killers, jedis, tv show eyeballs, everything) and all kinds of crap (i want to see group video game nights!) and shout boxes and random shit and games, etc., etc. You know I love Mindbreak but it's very quiet and there's lots of ghost accounts and 0 post accounts and it's just filled with half mega-awesomeness and then half very old dead topics and ideas. D:

THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN, EVERYONE <3: I don't know what to do about that. Anyone have any input on the matter (whether you go to MB at the moment now or not -- would you be interested in joining a board to share your creative works and chatter with other geeks and so on BLAH BLAH RAMBLEEEEEEE XD)? Mindbreak or start fresh? HELP PLZZZZZZ~ <33333

Mmmm, time to go watch Coheed & Cambria concert DVD I got.

Nate and I went to see Zombieland last Wednesday night (this would've been posted sooner but my internet has been out SINCE THEN :| -- it is still not back, I am on ANOTHER COMPUTER/INTERNETZ LOL). It was a fun movie -- funny and gory and sweet and all that jazz. I don't know why there are craptons of people comparing it to Shaun of the Dead though. Just cause it has zombies? I guess? Nothing touches Shaun, IMDB nerds, I'm sorry. They are nothing alike except for zombies.

(The cameo in Zombieland was amazing. Especially the wheezing breath at the end.)

I finished Carrie by (duh who else) Stephen King. omg I know there are characters I hate -- but effing Chris Hargensen, you guys. I wanted her to die so bad. She was such a bitch. I love how King can make characters I really love (Scott Landon, Lisey Landon, Peter McVries), characters that are absolutely darling who I want to take home (Chris/Teddy/Gordie/Vern, Nick Andros, Alice Maxwell), characters I love to hate so hard (Stebbins, Gary Barkovitch, Nadine Cross), characters you really feel for (Carrie White, the whole Landon family, Edgar Freemantle, Sara Tidwell, Jack Torrence) and then the characters who are just such assholes that you want extremely violent things to happen to them (Christine Hargensen, Mrs. Carmody, Jim Dooley). Love it. I also love the payoff you get when King actually rips the asshole characters to shreds (suck on that, Christine Hargensen).

I've read books where I kind of like some characters, some kind of annoy me and some I'm completely indifferent towards. I want to feel something for the plot/characters when I'm reading a book -- not wonder what I'm having for dinner as I'm scanning the words and then realize, "WHOT I THINK SOMEONE JUST DIED?"

King accomplishes this with flying colors. I want to go to a Scott Landon lecture, I want to have a sleepover and giggle about boys with Sue Snell (before the Chamberlain massacre, preferably), I totally want to make out with Peter McVries HELLO (OM NOM NOM SCAR), I want to stay at the Overlook Hotel, I want to shop at Needful Things, I want to jump in the Royal River jksdfjsdfjsfdj <3333

(AND TEDDY DUCHAMP'S GAS STATION~ <333333 AWWWWW.)

Next post I will be gushing about a book I am currently reading, teeeeehehehehehe.

And I have realized I can't listen to this song without thinking of Jacen/Tenel Ka. I'm not really sure why. They're just what my mind goes to whenever it comes on. I THINK IT IS AN ANTHEM OF MY OTP IN THEIR CURRENT STATE. I MUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE THINGS THE SONG DOES TO MY MIND.

I know I've posted about these amazing pictures before...

Ngngghhghghhh, want to use one SO BAD but can't decide.

PRINCE ERIC. JIM HAWKINS. THOSE ARE MY TWO LOVES, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DECIDE. D:

(look at eric's smiiirrrrrkkkkk but but but jim looks so cute and innocent sjdkfjsakdfjrrrrrrrrrrrr whatttt)

Yeah, I saw 17 Again. WHAT'S UP. I SAW IT. I SAW IT AND I LOVED IT. And Efron, you guys. Does this mean I need to watch the fucking High School Musical movies? Seriously? For more him I need to watch those? I'd do it. Do I need an icon of him? Really here? Really?

(Dude, Thomas Lennon was hilarious. I love that man. "I'M PEACOCKING.")

I will just use my standby icons of Kevin Zegers again while mentioning Zac Efron cause you know they are long lost brothers. For real. Do I need to picspam to show you again? No? I don't? Well I will SORRY GUYZ.


WHAT'S UP. DEAR SOMEONE, DO ME A FAVOR. PLEASE CAST THEM AS BROTHERS NOW. THX.

(I find it funny that Zac looks like the bitchy one and Kevin looks like the almost-happy one cause it's usually the other way around.)

In other news, see_aphy_be and I were discussing D*C and things seem to roughly be looking like this maybe.

FRIDAY: morning - Young Jedi Knights (Tenel Ka), afternoon - Sith (same character), evening - insert costume here?
SATURDAY: morning/afternoon - Left 4 Dead (Hunter), evening - Bioshock (Bridgette Tenenbaum)
SUNDAY: morning/afternoon - Clue (Mrs. White), late afternoon/evening - The Long Walk (Peter McVries)

So yeah, again, mostly group costumes. But who gives a shit, group costumes are just so much more fun. XD

But HOW ARE THESE TIMES WITH THE OTHERS IN SAID GROUPS??? I know we have a whole mess of YJKers, a few good Sith and a couple others in Clue and The Long Walk. So are these days/times good for you awesome thugs?

I figure setting things up way in advance is better cause if it's not set up then you get to the con and try to call people like, "ARE YOU WEARING IT NOW, WHEN ARE YOU WEARING IT? I HAVE TO FIND YOU ARE YOU WEARING IT" and then things get screwed up. This has happened to myself and friends numerous times. This is why I'm trying to figure out a costume schedule LIKE FIVE MONTHS IN ADVANCE. XD

(Also, interested in joining any of the groups? LEMME KNOW.

...WE NEED MORE WALKERS. WE ALWAYS NEED MORE WALKERS~ MOOHAHA!)

http://www.getthebigpicture.net/blog/2009/1/11/hilary-duff-remaking-bonnie-and-clyde.html

Okay. So apparently Hilary Duff is going to be in a remake of Bonnie and Clyde?

Which... what?

But Clyde? Possibly Kevin Zegers.

If so, I am there.

(Also, LOLOLOLOLOL TRUE. WHO ARE YOU, PERRY MASON?! I want them to play brothers in something so bad.)

Legend was just on tv and I watched it for what had to be the 3984938497458783975274518329048240830239423.4 time. I love that movie so much. And Tom Cruise is so darling in it -- all not creepy and couch jumpy -- with his cute crooked teeth before he got them fixed. I absolutely love him in Legend.

Other random things: The Mentalist is so awesome and Simon Baker is very delicious. Also, I am watching American Idol. Again. D: I'm sure it'll get to the top 20 or whatever and I'll lose interest again. Like always. Hehe.

(The Castro brothers arguing = so sweet. Awwwwwww~)

OH GAWD. LOOK HOW PRETTY JARED LOOKS IN THE FRIDAY THE 13TH REMAKE. (fjdkdsjfkasdk his HAIR~)


ALSO, THE CARRIE MOMENT ON 30 ROCK TONIGHT WAS PRICELESS. <33333 YES~

SUP. The Verizon guy came yesterday! I think our internet might be working correctly! :O

I've actually started playing Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core again. I sort of stopped when my PSP got stashed under my bed and lost to me. But I found it and I have been playing. And Zack Fair is like a trillion times cooler than Cloud Strife -- plus, his voice is amazingly sexcellent.

And the real surprise here is that Aeris (sorry, I can't call her Aerith -- it just sounds so lame. I'm used to calling her Aeris and Aerith just makes it sound like everyone is talking with a lisp. FO REAL) isn't annoying the shit out of me. The other night I got to the part where Zack met her (fell through the roof! :D) and she's flightly and all completely not there like she is in FF7, but I guess it doesn't totally put me off as much cause, you know, she's not hitting on Cloud and pretending Cloud is Zack since THIS GAME ACTUALLY HAS ZACK IN IT AND SHE'S HITTING ON HIM INSTEAD. (Cloud/Tifa OTP 4 LYFE BEETCHES.)

I also love the fact that Zack was the one who bought her the bow she wears in her hair. SO CUTE. I WANT A BOYFRIEND LIKE ZACK FAIR HE IS SO DARLING. AND BOYFRIEND NEEDS A VOICE LIKE THAT. WORD.

(But man, Aeris' outfit is horrible. What's with the random flowers on the one arm of her tank top and the outdated plastic wedge 90's sandals? UGH. Girl's outfit in FF7 was SO MUCH BETTER, even if it was like a bottle of Pepto Bismol charfed all over her. AND HOW HOT AND SNAZZY IS ZACK FAIR?)

Playing this again makes me all YAY FINAL FANTASY once more. Luckily, the four that I played to death and love to death are on my VIDEO GAME HEIST list, therefore I will be powering through them here soon.

Speaking of games, started Silent Hill Homecoming again and I have been doing pretty damn good so far. Actually got a one hit kill on a Needler with the steel pipe to the head and it was awesome and it was something so stupid to be so proud of but I was SO PROUD. Them I saw Pyramid Head Bogeyman and I giggled and Alex Shepherd peed his pants. Then I met Wheeler, whom I love, again. Then Sewers (big eff on you three Needlers and a Siam D:). After that I smacked the shit out of Dr. Fitch's office and the descent then I beat that stupid bitch doll thing (WASTING ALL MY PISTOL AMMO IN THE PROCESS, THANK YOU) and now I have moved on! Past the cemetary! Past the house-- wait, no, I am in the Shepherd's House... it's... just... not their house.

(And omg, the scene where Alex and his mother are talking -- by the way, Alex's voice actor is damn great, A+ on that, you guys! -- and the... dude, the people... I almost peed my pants. THEY WERE JUST HOVERING THERE WAITING.)

Alright, and the whole Mayor Bartlett (Grand Hotel/Sepulcher), then Dr. Fitch (Hell Descent/Scarlet) thing has got me all paranoid. Cause Bartlett and Fitch are two of the SG founding families -- so wtf does this mean for the Holloways and the Shepherds? My stomach is not happy just thinking about it. :|

In other other game news, I think I might buy the Guitar Hero World Tour game since it works with Rock Band (only RB1 so far, no word on RB2 peripherals) instruments. Then I will have even more songs to scream into the microphone and drum like a tool on. Oh yeah, and play guitar. So cheers to GH for letting RB instruments work as well. Yay!

And I am not getting GH: World Tour only for "Rooftops (A Liberation Broadcast)", "Freak on a Leash" and "Obstacle 1", I SWEAR. D:

P.S. Sam Winchester in the preview for Supernatural next week -- Dean picturing him with the YELLOW EYES (9 seconds in, WOO!)? HOT. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE BESIDES HOT? DARTH CAEDUS.


(AND OH MAN, I THINK I'M THE ONLY ONE EXCITED FOR REPO! THE GENETIC OPERA. Sarah Brightman looks badass. :OOOOO)